


Disgaiden

by benit149



Category: Disgaea (Games)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-15
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-08-31 02:38:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,162
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8560123
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/benit149/pseuds/benit149
Summary: NaNoWriMo 2014/16 story. Join six demons on their (mis)adventures as they try to survive in one of the harshest Netherworlds ever while thwarting the plans of a chimera-obsessed mad scientist and his cronies.





	1. Deus Ex Machina

**DISGAIDEN**   
**Part 1: Deus Ex Machina**

A small ball of light traversed the infinite darkness, wandering in the abyss in quiet solitude. The light carried a sleeping figure within it, their body in the fetal position. They had no particular destination in mind. The person just kept flying forward, appearing as little more than a shooting star to residents of the many Netherworlds dotting this universe.

In the past, this person landed in various Netherworlds, but then left as soon as they came. They were like a dream, or a ghost – there for a brief moment, and then gone the next. Not many demons remembered this stranger clearly. Those who did dismissed it as some distant memory or a figment of their imagination.

What did the future hold for such an elusive character? Would they continue wandering in the obscure abyss? Or would they finally find stability in a Netherworld? The answer would come in the conclusion of a legendary, near cataclysmic event known across all Netherworlds as the Big Fusion.

* * *

The Netherworld was a universe inhabited by demons, separate from the world of Celestia populated by angels, and a third world consisting of humans who led very short lives compared to the other two races. The overall universe had smaller worlds also dubbed Netherworlds (perhaps to link them together as pieces of a much larger puzzle). Each of these smaller locations were inhabited by demons ruled by a great leader known as an Overlord. Whether the sovereign’s rule was benevolent or tyrannical, millions of lesser demons obeyed them.

That was, all except for one spot in a particular Netherworld. The underworld known as Hades was where sinful humans who died were manufactured into penguin creatures called Prinnies, and then trained under the watchful eye of a well known Prinny Instructor to become loyal servants to their new masters. Hades had five rivers flowing from its castle and extending far into the land, too great for even the Prinny Instructor to explore – perhaps the tail ends of these rivers could be considered Netherworlds in themselves. Four of them were Acheron, the River of Woe; Coctyus, the River of Lamentation; Phlegethon, the River of Fire; and Styx, the River of Hate. Each of them already had decently populated demon civilizations.

The final river was Lethe, the River of Oblivion, possessing the power to erase the memories of anyone who consumed its waters. This one was exceptional in that it was entirely abandoned and desolate, which was appropriate considering the area’s reputation. The only ones who resided here were some of the strongest but most mindless monsters in Hades, as well as bounty hunting Prinnies whom the Prinny Instructor deemed valiant and worthy enough to face them.

And right now, such an epic battle waged between the weakest demons in the Netherworld and the strongest creatures to ever befoul Lethe.

* * *

**_“DOOOOOOD!!!”_ **

An explosion from a dragon’s fire ball rocked the grey earth, and several Prinnies were sent flying across the horizon. They exploded into comical puffs of smoke shaped like Prinnies (because, for some arbitrary reason, they would explode if thrown). This dragon was proving to be far more powerful than the squadron of elite Prinnies could manage. All that remained were four Prinnies; their comrades were either KO’ed from attacks or from their cursed explosive fate. Even so, these four Prinnies would not spend time mourning the loss of their comrades. They had a bounty to win, and it was going to be theirs.

“Lowalski, what does the scouter say about its power level, dood?” the quartet’s leader Kippers asked.

The tallest Prinny, Lowalski, whipped out a device from his fanny pack and placed it on his eye, then made calculations until a digital number popped up.

“Good news, Kippers. The scouter reads 1006, dood.”

“Wait, what? Try that again, dood.”

He did, and 1006 came up again. Kippers then said, “Okay then, dood. What’s the Private’s power level?”

Lowalski pointed his gadget at the nervous Pvt. Ryan as he quivered in his skin at the might of this crazy dragon. Lowalski reported, “His power level is… 1001. Kind of to be expected, dood.”

“That’s not fair, dood!” Ryan complained.

“And for the record, Reeko’s is 9001, dood.”

“Hot damn, dood! I’d make a certain joke by now, but not only has it become a tired meme, but our friend is getting a little impatient from listening to us talk, dood,” Kippers pointed his fin to the angry dragon. He called out to the Prinny with the rocket launcher, “Kick his ass, Reeko!”

“$^&%@*($, 4004!!!” Reeko garbled nonsense and happily fired some missiles at the dragon. Smoke billowed out everywhere and Reeko was quite certain he’d done the job and they would be the richest Prinnies in the Netherworld.

Ryan shuddered, “Did he get it, dood?”

“Rule #1, Private – never say that line while the area’s covered in smoke,” Kippers reminded him. “You’re only setting us up to be jinxed in the worst possible way, dood.”

Just then, Reeko’s body was sent flying through the smoke and he smacked right dab against a boulder, destroying his weapon. The dragon emerged and roared at the three remaining Prinnies.

“See? What’d I tell you, dood?” Kippers proudly smacked Ryan’s back.

“Um, I would be impressed with your logic, but now’s not really the time for that, dood…”

“More importantly… _**Lowalski!**_ What’s going on here, dood!? I thought you said Reeko’s power level was over nine thousand! Why is he getting knocked around by a power level of 1006, dood!?”

Lowalski fumbled with his device and said, “I’m trying to figure that out, dood… Oh wait, I think I know what it is.”

“Well, don’t keep us in suspense, dood. What seems to be the problem?” Kippers asked.

“I, uh… Had it upside down.”

“Upside down, huh? A rather common mistake for a rookie like yourself, dood.”

Ryan uttered, “Wait, hold on, dood. If the scouter was upside down, then that means the numbers were upside down, right, dood?”

“Sounds about right, dood.”

“Then Reeko’s power level of 9001 should be…”

“Ahem… It’s 1006, dood,” Lowalski admitted.

“So then the dragon’s power level of 1006 is…”

“9001.”

“Mine’s still 1001, right?”

“Yes, dood.”

Kippers put his hands behind his back and gazed at the dragon with a mixed look of disappointment and befuddlement. “You know, Lowalski, I sometimes have to ask myself why I still bother asking you for numbers and stats when we should be busy getting ourselves killed in a suicide mission, dood. No, no, not even that. Why are we even relying on video game mechanics in a written story in the first place, dood?”

“I don’t believe that scouters are a video game concept, Kippers,” Lowalski reminded.

“How true, dood.”

 _ **“AHHHHHHHH!!!!!”** _ Ryan panicked and ran for his life past the near comatose Reeko. The dragon took chase after him and grabbed him in its mouth.

“Atta’boy, Private! Keep the big guy distracted while we come up with a better plan!” Kippers cheered.

Ryan couldn’t come up with a quipping comeback before he was tossed into the air like a rag doll. While in the beginning trajectory of his arc, the Private came to the grim realization that once he hit the ground, he was going to be witnessed in the distance as a large puff of Prinny shaped smoke, with his three comrades standing atop a cliff at sunset saluting the loss of their fallen brother.

_**“I DON’T WANNA DIE A GAG, DOOOOOOOOOD!!!”** _

“Poi.”

Pvt. Ryan had his eyes squeezed shut, not wanting to witness his inevitable demise. He remained like this for a minute, but realized he was still alive. He didn’t seem to be hurtling across the air anymore. In fact, it felt like he was being held by someone.

“… Poi, dood?” he uttered and opened his eyes.

He found himself at ground level, definitely being carried in someone’s arms. They set him down gently and he got a better look at his savior – a short statured girl with teal hair decorated with a heart shaped hair pin, her purple eyes listless and bored. She wore a pink shawl with sleeves that were so ridiculously long that they nearly reached the ground, and she had a white bodysuit with blue cloud or wave patterns at the knees.

“Poi. Dat’s what I shed,” the girl replied with a thick lisp.

“I, uh… Well, I’m not quite sure what to say here except thanks for your help, dood.”

“I shaw shumding fwying stweit for me, sho I caught it. You wooked wike a football or shumding wike dat. I wash about to shay ‘Tawchdown’, but then I shaw you were a Pwinny. How did you fwy so faw and fasht wike dat? Pwinnies don’t fwy, wight?”

“I got tossed by a big dragon, and- Ah! That’s right, dood! My brothers are back there fighting it right now!” Ryan panicked and ran around in circles. “Ahh, but I know we don’t stand a chance against it, dood! But if I don’t do something soon, they’re gonna be Prinny fireworks, dood! Ohhh, what do I do, dood!?”

“Hm mu mu mu…” the strange demon girl mumbled, and then walked toward the battle site after they heard an explosion in the distance. “It’s dat way, yesh? I go dat way den.”

“Hey, are you crazy, dood!? You’re going to get yourself killed!” Ryan skidded in front of her.

“But I’m bewy, bewy hungwy. I heea’ dat dwagon shoup ish good fow da shoul, yesh? I wanna sway da dwagon and have da wegendewy shoup fow da shoul. Den my tummy won’t be so wumbwy tumbwy ahw da time.”

“Have you officially lost your mind, dood?”

“I dunno… Dey shay you do weird dings when hungwy.”

* * *

Meanwhile, Kippers was in a dodging death match against the dragon, taunting his opponent and jumping left and right to avoid its menacing jaws. While Kippers distracted the monster, Reeko regurgitated a giant knife from his belly and passed it to Lowalski up in a dead tree nearby. The tall Prinny held the knife in his beak and slid down the winding branches on his belly, launching from a stalk shaped like a ramp into the air and directly for the dragon’s back.

 _“Geronimo, dood!!”_ he called out, baring the knife straight for where he assumed a critical artery would be on the nape of its neck. He jammed it into the flesh, causing the beast to roar in pain and throw him off. The dagger remained in the dragon’s skin and the monster tried to get it out, but its arms were too short to reach back there.

“An inch too far on the right, but all things considered, that is quite an impressive feat from Yours Truly, dood,” Lowalski took pride in his accomplishment.

Kippers and Reeko darted in front of the howling dragon and jumped high over its gaping open mouth together, opening their fanny packs and unleashing a torrential rain of bombs, knives, weapons and other sharp and explosive things into its throat. The Prinnies landed and struck a pose, and Reeko pushed a button on a switch to activate the bombs and explode the dragon into smithereens.

“’Power levels’ my hide!” Kippers grinned. “When the going gets tough, the tough become badasses, dood!”

“^&%#@( 4004!” Reeko agreed.

“And with that, our pockets have become 100,000 Hell heavier,” Lowalski wrote some numbers in a small ledger he always carried around with him. “Not too shabby for having lost 20 of our comrades in three turns.”

Unfortunately for them, three more dragons who had heard the commotion emerged from nearby caverns and found the Prinnies celebrating over their dead friend’s carcass. To say they weren’t pleased would have been a massive understatement.

“… Lowalski,” Kippers muttered. “Any possibility of us increasing that amount another 300,000 Hell, dood?”

The genius inventor Prinny whipped out a calculator and did some lightning fast mathematics, then reported direly, “According to my statistics, the probability of us surviving this assault is less than one percent, dood.”

“Why not just say zero percent, dood? We know we’re gonna die a brutal, horrible and miserable death anyway.”

“That one percent involves the improbable Deus ex Machina scenario which I always factor in as a miniscule ray of hope, dood.”

“That has to be the lamest thing I have ever heard in my life, dood.”

“#^&$^&@ 4004!!” Reeko complained.

“You’re suggesting the Private will come to our rescue? He’s probably running to the Angel Lady and telling her we can’t pay our debt ‘cause we’re too busy being dead, dood,” Kippers rolled his eyes.

The dragons got closer and closer to them, glaring at the trio with their beady eyes. Although nervous, the Prinnies maintained a brave façade so that they could at least be gobbled up like true soldiers. That was when one dragon paused for a moment, then rolled its eyes back, keeled onto its side and lay there, having died instantly from a silent barrage of feather quills piercing through its spine and blood vessels.

“What just happened, dood?” Kippers glanced around, trying to find the source of these feathers. The dragons did too, and that was when the blue-haired girl with the lisp teleported right on one creature’s head in a calming puff of white feathers. She bent forward and stared directly at the dragon’s eyes with no fear. The other monster found her and charged its fire breath, then exhaled a stream of flames at her. She just disappeared in another burst of feathers, leaving the first monster to be burnt alive before it could even react.

Meanwhile, Ryan returned to his brothers and shouted, “Hey, guys!” He panted for a bit before asking, “Did you see a little girl come this way, dood? I was trying to stop her, but-!”

“Private,” Kippers demanded, “what in the nine levels of Hell is going on here, dood?”

“Beg your pardon?”

Kippers pointed his fin at the dead dragons while the little demon girl teleported everywhere to avoid the final dragon’s streams of fire breath. “Who’s the blatantly overpowered kid playing around with enemies that are too strong for us, dood?”

“I, uh… I honestly don’t have a clue, Kippers. She just caught me ‘bout a mile away, and then said she wanted dragon soup ‘cause she was hungry, dood.”

“You wouldn’t lie to your superior now, would you, dood?”

“Never, dood! I’d stake my life on it, dood!”

“Well I’ll be a damned Prinny, dood,” Lowalski’s eyes welled up with tears, and then he shoved his beak against Reeko’s face. “The Deus ex Machina really did happen, dood! Bwa ha ha ha ha! What did I tell you, dood!? Never ever discount the one percent, dood! Viva statistics! Viva percentages! Viva plot twists, dood!”

“Oy,” Reeko grunted.

The girl didn’t pay any attention to the Prinnies as she stood in front of the last dragon, virtually puny compared to the massive legendary beast. It lumbered over her, opened its massive jaws, and swallowed her whole. She had made no movement to get out of the way, as if completely oblivious to the danger before her. The Prinny Squadron’s eyes pretty much boggled out of their sockets at the sight.

**_“NOOOOOO-“_ **

Then the dragon stopped and contorted its face in pain, and then clutched its chest. Suddenly, its upper abdomen exploded in a gut wrench spray of blood. The little demon girl emerged from the crevice she just made with her magic and hopped onto the ground carrying the dragon’s heart, her hair and clothes totally soaked in red liquid, her expression still dull and ignorant of the danger she just went through. The dead dragon collapsed behind her with a fantastic thud that shook the ground.

 _ **“-OOOOO WAAAAAAAYYYYY, DOOOOOOOOD!!!”**_ the four Prinnies screamed, frantically flailing their stubby arms.

The girl set her gory prize down and walked past the stunned Prinnies to gather some timber from a few dead trees nearby, and then arranged it to create a makeshift camp fire. None of the Prinnies could muster the courage to ask her what she was doing, but Pvt. Ryan finally squeaked, “Um… So, uh, are you going to be using that heart to make your soup, dood?”

“Definitewy,” the girl replied with an eager smile. “I heawd dat dwagon’s heawt shoup ish da besht ding in da Nethawowd. I nevah twied it befowe and I’m vewy, vewy hungwy fwom twavewing. I shaw dose dwagons, so I deshided to wand hewe and make a heawty bowu… Pawdon the pun.”

“Were you not scared, dood?”

“Muu? Why shouwd I be skehed?”

“Um… Oh, never mind, dood,” Ryan nodded and let her continue her business. He glared at Kippers and grumbled, “Do you still think I’m lying, dood?”

“Fine, fine, you’ve made your point, dood,” Kippers admitted. He turned to Lowalski and asked, “How’s the balance, dood?”

“Oh yeah… I was kind of busy calculating our new friend’s power level, dood…” Lowalski fiddled with his scouter. The reading beeped wildly with the word ‘OVER’ again and again, and then the device exploded into fragments off his face. The Prinnies stood there in total silence. The oblivious girl jumped onto the dragon that the Prinnies had killed, extracted the knife that Lowalski used and then proceeded to cut the heart into manageable pieces, humming a pleasant tune while butchering.

“Dood,” was all Ryan could say.

“Okay then, mystery solved, dood. Let’s change the topic before we inadvertently empty our bowel systems on the spot, dood,” Kippers replied. “So, Lowalski, how’s our balance coming along now, dood?”

“I don’t think I need to say this, but since you asked, dood, our debt has now been reduced by an additional 300,000 Hell.”

“Holy sardines on a silver platter, dood. Do you boys have any inkling as to what this means, dood?”

“Um…” Ryan tried to think for a moment. “It means we survived by the skin on our beaks, dood?”

“That too, yes. But think a little harder, Private. That kid can slaughter enemies that we can’t fight, right, dood?”

“Looks like it, dood.”

“And no matter who kills the target, as long as they are in the party, we all equally earn the bounty, right, dood?”

“Is that how it works, dood?”

“Lowalski just said it, dood. We’ve become 400,000 Hell richer today, dood. And we don’t have to divide it between 20 Prinnies – just the four of us, dood,” Kippers pointed his fin at the befuddled Pvt. Ryan.

The younger Prinny asked, “But what about the kid, dood? Doesn’t she count?”

“She tore a dragon apart just to make a freakin’ soup, dood. I’m pretty sure she’ll be satisfied with that, dood.”

“Well, if you say so, dood… Wait, why are we even having this conversation to begin with, dood?”

“I think I know what Kippers is insinuating, dood,” Lowalski stepped in. “If we can get on our new friend’s good side, then she won’t have any problem killing our targets for us, dood. The Hell will pour in like crazy, and we can pay our debt to the Angel Lady much sooner than I originally calculated, dood.”

Ryan finally figured out what his brothers suggested and became nervous. “Are you sure that’s a good idea, dood? That technically counts as a crime that would increase our debt, right, dood?”

“Criminal debts are a fixed amount. Even if it did go up, the kid can just work it off for us, dood. Besides, this is the Netherworld - we’re expected to do bad things. It’s just the way of life here, dood,” Kippers assured him.

“But the Angel Lady is the one in control of our debt, and she’s from Celestia. What if she finds out, dood? You know how awfully good she is with numbers, dood.”

“Simple. We just make sure the Angel Lady doesn’t meet our new friend, and she’ll be none the wiser, dood. Don’t be so frantic. Everything will work out one way or another, dood.”

“I-If you say so, Kippers…” Ryan shuddered.

“Good! Reeko, Private, go help the kid prepare the ingredients for our lunch, dood! Lowalski, you and I will pay a quick visit to the Angel Lady with our bounty money, dood.”

“I can’t wait to see the look on her greedy face, dood,” Lowalski grinned broadly and followed his brother over the hill. Reeko skidded next to the unknown girl, whipped out a few knives from his fanny pack, and helped her cut the dragon’s heart. Ryan scrounged around the area for a few edible berries, still feeling uneasy about taking advantage of the demon girl’s strength. He returned with his findings, seeing Reeko regurgitate a pot (that was obviously too big for him to have swallowed, but screw logic) for the girl to cook her meal with.

“Pawfect,” she nodded, and Reeko dramatically posed. “Now I need shome watah fwom da wivah.”

Reeko saluted and waddled toward the Lethe River, coughing up a bunch of plastic bottles to gather the water with. Ryan set his berries next to the pot while the girl cast a simple Fire spell on the timbers to get the camp fire going.

“Fawst da meat needs to be tendawized or elsh it’d be wike eating a wock,” she explained. “Den we add da watah and wet it boil fow a whywu, den we can add fwavowings and wet dem cook togethah.”

“Sounds simple enough, dood,” Ryan said and sat next to her. Something occurred to him and he asked the girl, “By the way, I’m Pvt. Ryan, but everyone calls me Private, dood. The Prinny that went to fetch water is Reeko, and the two who left are the commander Kippers and the inventor Lowalski. What’s your name, dood?”

“My name?” she looked puzzled. “Hmmmm… Muuuu… Mmmmm…”

“Yes, your name, dood. What is it?”

The kid cocked her head innocently and tried thinking about it again. The silence was so unbearable that Ryan finally uttered, “Do you not have one, dood?”

“Hmm… I thought I did… Oh maybe not… I dunno…”

“This could be a problem, dood…” Ryan realized. “How could you not know your own name, dood?”

“I wash sweeping fow a vewy, vewy wong time.”

“Sleeping, dood?”

“Yeah. I twavel between Nethawowlds in a deep sweep. I go to one, they tewu me to weave, den I go back to sweep and twavel shome moah.”

“Why are you traveling so much, dood?” Ryan asked.

“Hmm… ‘Caush I wanna find a new home. Wots and wots of Nethawowds weject me and I have to find anothaw one. Hmm… Ish this Nethawowld gonna weject me too? But I’m so vewy, vewy tiwed of twaveling…” she complained sullenly.

Ryan insisted, “No, no, I won’t reject you! I’m sure my brothers won’t turn you away either, dood! We’re super grateful for you saving our lives back there! We would be stupid to say you can’t stay here, dood!”

The girl’s tired eyes lit up. “Weally? I can shtay?”

“Of course you can, dood! You can stay as long as you like, dood!”

“Yaaay! Dat makes me vewy, vewy happy!” she raised her arms up joyously. “Yow my fawst fwiend evah, Pwivate!”

“Aw, shucks. You’re making me blush, dood,” Ryan’s cheeks flushed pink.

“Sho what’s dis Nethawowld wike? It wooks nice and quiet. Wots of Nethawowlds have wots and wots of demons, and I can’t find a nice quiet pwace to shtay.”

“This entire Netherworld is called Hades, and we’re on the Lethe River, one of five that extends from the center of Hades, dood. The other rivers are populated with demons, but this one has been abandoned due to the powerful monsters living here, dood. But if you can kill those monsters as easily as you did earlier, then you’ll have no problem calling this river your home, dood.”

“Powahful monshtas? Oh awe the demons here too weak to fight dem?” the girl wondered curiously.

“Well, uh… It could be either one, dood,” Ryan sweated, noting the irony of her question. “Just don’t say that to someone from Hades though, dood. You might make them really angry.”

“’Kay.”


	2. A New Visitor

**DISGAIDEN**

**Part 2: A New Visitor**

In a valley near the camp site, Kippers and Lowalski found the designated meeting place, and Kippers rang a Celestian Bell to summon an angel that would pick up the bounty money. A soft light lit the dreary place up, and then a young woman with long braided pink hair emerged. Her attire was quite revealing, only wearing white lingerie and a tabard tied together with ribbons, along with mini shorts and shoes.

Her white wings fluttered in anticipation as she put her hands together and said, “Good afternoon, Prinnies.”

“A spectacular afternoon to yourself, Miss Artina,” Kippers saluted her, and Lowalski followed likewise.

“You sound like you’re in a good mood. Did you slay those dragons I mentioned before?”

“It was an arduous battle and many lives were lost in the mayhem, but we managed to pull through and accomplish the impossible, dood.”

Lowalski opened his fanny pack and gave Artina all 400,000 Hell they earned from the battle. She blushed in awe and commented, “My, this must be your lucky day. Did some kind of divine providence smile upon you today?”

“Not at all, dood!” Kippers insisted. “It was my military expertise, Lowalski’s ingenious inventions, Reeko’s arsenal of weapons, and the Private’s knack for creating distractions that won the day, dood! Classic teamwork! Nothing more, nothing less, dood!”

“So about that debt, dood…” Lowalski interrupted his ecstatic brother.

“Yes, let me see here,” Artina thought for a few moments. “So after today’s spoils, you will need a further 1,678,240 Hell to pay your debts off.”

“No problem! Bring ‘em on, dood! Nothing will scare me as long as I have my brothers, dood!” Kippers exclaimed.

Artina giggled and said, “Then keep up the good work. It’s unfortunate that so many Prinnies were lost in battle, but Mr. Vampire told them what the risks were well beforehand.”

Lowalski agreed with her. “It can’t be helped, dood. We’ll just have to play it safe until more recruits come, dood.”

“Play it safe, dood!? You have to be kidding me, dood!” Kippers shouted angrily, his eyes literally burning with passion. “I’m on fire! One and a half million Hell should be nothing, dood! Go for broke or go home, dood! Let’s gain another 100 levels while we’re at it, dood!”

_“We are not using video game physics here, dood!!”_

The angel chuckled before saying, “Well, do whatever you feel is best. I have to get going now, but feel free to call me when you have more money.”

“Aye aye, sir!”

With that, Artina disappeared from the valley in a flash of light. Kippers and Lowalski headed back to the camp site where they noticed an aromatic vapor trail in the distance, along with the scent of freshly cooked dragon meat tickling their nostrils.

“Oooh, that smells good, dood! I wonder if it’s ready now, dood,” Lowalski drooled out of the corner of his beak.

They hurried along the grey landscape until they could finally see their brothers and the unknown demon girl putting the finishing touches on her soup. Reeko was already gorging on his bowl in a total frenzy.

“Yo, Kippers, Lowalski! We’re ready to eat, dood!” Ryan announced.

“Good work, soldier. So then, Private, did you manage to procure some intel about our new friend here?” Kippers asked.

“A little bit. She told me she drifted across the cosmos looking for a home, but was always kicked out, dood.

“Considering she might be strong enough to fight an Overlord, that wouldn’t surprise me, dood.”

Lowalski added, “She might have been seen as a threat to their power and was given the boot as soon as possible, dood.”

“Hmm… I didn’t think of it that way, dood,” Ryan thought for a moment.

“Is dat what it’s aww about?” the girl murmured.

“Well, it’s just a theory, dood,” Kippers said. “But you don’t need to worry, dood. You can stay here as much as you like, dood.”

“Dat’s what Wyan shed,” she smiled.

“But on one condition, dood!”

“Kundeeshin? What’s dat?”

“We’re monster hunters by trade, dood. Monster colonies dotting this river need to be exterminated, but since there aren’t any civilized demons living here, we monster hunters need to come in and do the job, dood. So what I need from you, recruit, is to join our team as a fellow monster hunter and help us take care of this problem, dood.”

“Ohhh… Moa monshtas like dose ones I killed? Dey’re ebwywhere?” the girl widened her eyes in amazement.

“It’s a case of overpopulation, dood, and we can’t do it alone! That’s why we need your on our team, dood! If you can perform your duties flawlessly, I see no reason why you can’t call the Lethe River home, dood!”

“Wooowww… Shounds eashy foa me. Do I need to wegishta or something wike dose adventuwa guiwds whea dey keep twack of yoah kills? Is dere a wegistwation fee too?”

Kippers said, “No need to worry, dood. I’ll take care of all the finicky red tape stuff. All you need to do is just kill monsters with us, dood.”

“We make an adventuwa pawty and go on cwazy quests to hunt mownshtas, wight? Shounds wike fun! I can get ware ingwedients for cooking too,” the demon girl sounded excited at the prospect.

“That’s the way to do it, dood!” Lowalski chimed in. “So, we just need your name and we can get started, dood.”

“Uh, about that…” Ryan interrupted him.

“What is it, Private? Don’t rain on our good luck parade when it’s in full swing, dood,” Kippers glared at him.

“No, no, it’s nothing terrible or anything. It’s just that… Well, she doesn’t seem to remember her name, dood.”

“… Come again, dood?”

“She tried to remember but came up a total blank, dood.”

“I should have guessed that a powerful kid like her would have some sort of amnesia or memory problems, dood. Don’t tell me we have to go on some epic journey to find out more of her back story, dood,” Lowalski sighed.

“Well that’s mighty inconvenient,” Kippers frowned, and then crossed his arms together. “Notion vetoed! We just give her a new one and be on our way!”

“I think that’s a little rude, dood…” Ryan nervously said. “I mean, what if she has it at the tip of her tongue and she just needs some kind of trigger to remember it, dood?”

“We aren’t waiting around for that, Private. We have monsters to slay, and we can’t sit on our hides twiddling our fins for her, dood. As of this moment, our new recruit will be temporarily called Pvt. Kiddo. You don’t have a problem with that, dood?” Kippers nudged the girl’s arm.

“Hmm… I guesh not…”

“Faa~aantastic! Well, now that we have welcomed our new crew member, let’s eat up and head for the next target, dood!”

* * *

In a Prinny Re-Education facility deep within Hades, the famous Prinny Instructor and corrupternment rebel Valvatorez had finished his lessons with a new batch of Prinnies and was heading back to his personal quarters. He was always accompanied by his werewolf steward Fenrich, who swore fealty to him many centuries ago and constantly showered his master with praise (sometimes needing to mask wry insults as ‘demonstrations of his Lord’s power’).

Valvatorez was eagerly awaiting the meal that his Prinny chefs had prepared for him. The wonderful scents emanating from the dining hall aroused his olfactory senses and he entered a state of ecstasy. Sardine flambé, Mathippuli (sardine curry), sardine tempura, sardine sushi, sardine’s blood wine, and sardine sashimi with all of the annoying little bones that he feared would get stuck in his teeth carefully removed… Even though he was in Hades, he felt like he was in Heaven. Fenrich immediately used a cloth to wipe some drool off of his Master’s lip.

They entered the dining room… and Valvatorez’s dream world of having an entire meal to himself was shattered. Artina was already inside eating some food, with the Prinny servants pouring a tall glass of proper red wine for her.

“My, thank you very much,” she said to her steward.

“A-A-Artina…” Valvatorez gasped. “Ah, my feast …”

“You,” Fenrich glared at Artina, his golden eyes narrowing into thin slits. “You have a lot of nerve dining at the same table before my Lord’s arrival without his explicit permission.”

“Oh, come on now,” she said. “There’s more than enough for everyone in this castle. I just thought I’d have some lunch before continuing my collection rounds. Would you care to join me, Mr. Vampire?”

“I, uh… _OF COURSE I WOULD!!_ ” Valvatorez screamed and barged for the master’s chair.

“Lord Valvatorez has worked tirelessly to re-educate some disobedient Prinnies that were returned from their masters, and has thus worked up quite the voracious appetite. You will be lucky if he leaves any semblance of scraps for you, hound of Celestia,” Fenrich tersely told Artina.

“That’s all right,” the angel wiped her mouth with a napkin. “I’m already quite full, so I don’t need Mr. Vampire’s leftovers to satisfy me.”

“As usual, you have no respect for my Lord’s situation. Don’t forget that you are the one responsible for his… ahem, current condition.”

“Cawm dowhn, Fenwik. It waz my fawlt fo nawt twaining the Pwinniez on skedulwe,” Valvatorez said between chews.

“My Lord, if I may insist, could you please not talk with your mouth full of sardines? It is rather difficult to understand you when your impossibly impressive throat is devouring marine life at the same time you are trying to convey words.”

“Of course,” the vampire said before gulping down some sardine blood.

Artina chuckled and said, “My, this is certainly a pleasant day for everyone. I might make exception for Mr. Werewolf, but I will chalk it up to his usual mannerisms.”

Fenrich grumbled, “This is why I am not fond of women sharing the same table as Lord Valvatorez. But since you say that it is an auspicious day for ‘everyone’, might I contribute to my Lord’s dining delight with an offering of my own?”

“Hmm, that sounds exciting,” Artina clapped her hands together.

“Hey, Prinny! Bring out today’s special!” the werewolf called out to the head Prinny chef.

“Aye aye, dood!”

A cart was wheeled in with a covered plate, which the Prinny set before the eager Valvatorez. He removed the top to reveal a steaming bowl of ramen noodles.

“This is sardine ramen with large chunks of fish and vegetables that had been boiled in a broth of blood and soy sauce, complete with a boiled egg and slice of naruto,” Fenrich explained.

“Ooh, this looks fantastic!” Valvatorez crooned, broke a pair of chopsticks, and inhaled deeply to bask in the aroma. He paused and frowned, sniffing again.

Artina asked, “Is something wrong?”

“Fenrich…” the vampire mumbled with an angry look in his eye.

“Yes, my Lord?”

Valvatorez suddenly smacked the bowl aside with a vicious lash of his arm, sending the ceramic piece flying across the room and shattering into pieces!

“Once again, you have tried to sneak human blood into my food! How many times have I explained to you that it is pointless to trick me into breaking my promise!?”

“Impressive, my Lord,” Fenrich bowed slightly. “Not even the soy sauce’s overpowering saltiness could mask the human blood’s flavor.”

“I will prove it a million times if need be – a vampire’s sense of smell is not to be trifled with!”

“In addition, those sardines were freshly caught from the river of Lethe. One bite and you would have completely forgotten that ancient promise that you persistently cling to.”

“I noticed that too!” Valvatorez shouted. “Only sardines from Lethe River could emanate such a despicably sour aroma! Never mind my memory - my taste buds would have experienced amnesia after such a horrendous after taste! The next time you pull that stunt on me, I will be more than happy to have you experience how foul the sardines of Lethe River really taste!”

“I shall keep those words to heart.”

Artina smiled while watching the argument, and then interjected, “Ah, that reminds me. I just returned from Lethe River.”

“How are the Prinnies doing there?” Valvatorez asked.

“Well, they suffered some losses after fighting a small colony of four dragons.”

Fenrich muttered, “As to be expected from Prinnies. Not even Lord Valvatorez’s training regime could prepare those dim-witted creatures for the horrors that lay there.”

“You might say that, but four of them survived and turned in one of the largest collections I’ve made to date.”

Valvatorez raised an eyebrow. “Four Prinnies slaying a dragon each?”

“That would seem to be the case.”

The vampire pondered for a few moments, wondering what to make of this news. He then said, “That’s remarkable. Even with their power capped and not being able to utilize Hades’ Item World hub to make their weapons stronger, they still managed to accomplish the impossible. If they keep this up, it will only be a short while before they can reincarnate.”

“Rather than ‘remarkable’, would you not call it ‘suspicious’?” Fenrich wondered.

Artina shrugged and said, “That doesn’t really matter, does it? As long as they’re paying their debt back to society, I see no issue with it.”

“More like they’re lining your pockets with the Netherworld’s Hell.”

“Well, the Netherworld is the one always borrowing money from Celestia without paying it back.”

“Then Celestia should not be giving away money like it’s a free commodity.”

“That’s enough, you two,” Valvatorez stopped them, and then stood up. “Such strong Prinnies should not be ignored. Perhaps they could redirect their strength towards something more beneficial than slaying monsters in Hades’ most desolate river. I should convince them to change their ways and see about serving a master who could use their strength in their final days.”

“With all due respect, Lethe River is the most dangerous of the five river systems in Hades. In your current state, not even my Lord should venture there without good reason. Perhaps if you had your power when you were a Tyrant long ago, such a journey would be possible,” Fenrich warned.

“Hmph… As loathe as I am to admit it, you have a point. Only the most valiant of Prinnies would have the heart to try their luck there. I sometimes wonder if the risk is worth the reward. If only I could send someone that I know will be able to survive there, they could report to me about what is going on there…”

At that moment, the doorbell’s loud chime rang through the facility’s halls. The vampire said, “Oh, my guest is here already? I suppose I prattled on too long over lunch. Fenrich, bring our visitor here.”

“All is for my Lord,” Fenrich bowed and left the dining hall.

“I didn’t know you were scheduled to have visitors. Perhaps I should go and continue my rounds now,” Artina was about to get up.

Valvatorez stopped her and said, “Wait a minute. He might be interested in going to Lethe River on my behalf. He would want to hear any accounts of your visits, particularly about today’s.”

“That sounds interesting. So who is this person we’re going to meet?”

“He is a demon scholar who is said to travel to each Netherworld learning about each one’s geography and mapping them. He’s quite the avid cartographer, if you would.”

“Sounds like quite the pastime. You’re suggesting he would be able to survive in Lethe River?”

“He has gone to Niflheim, Irkalla, Tartarus, and even Limbo and has produced some of the most top quality maps for those areas. If he can handle those Netherworlds, then Lethe River should be no trouble for him.”

Artina looked a little dejected as she murmured, “If only I hadn’t made that promise to you, then you would have been able to go there yourself without burdening someone else…”

“I’ll have none of that,” Valvatorez stopped her. “It was my decision to make that promise with you 400 years ago. As an elite demon with the utmost honor, I will maintain my vow for all of eternity.”

“Mr. Vampire…”

“Besides, I’m sure our guest will be happy to survey Lethe River for his own research. My schedule is already booked full with training sessions, a graduation ceremony, and orientations for the new batches of Prinnies, so I will suffice with a report from him… If he’s willing to accept, of course.”

Fenrich returned and entered the hall, saying, “Lord Valvatorez, your guest has arrived.”

“Thank you, Fenrich. Let him in.”

The werewolf steward stepped aside to allow another gentleman inside. He had wildly spiked golden hair and black parted bangs, which greatly contrasted his cool red eyes behind his square framed glasses. He reached about 6.5 feet in height and wore a long and sturdy green trench coat dotted with large buttons, making him resemble someone from the Armored Knight class of demons.

The gentleman closed a small notebook in his one hand, adjusted his glasses with the other, and then said, “Pardon me for being late, Tyrant Valvatorez.”

“There’s no need for the ‘Tyrant’ title, Sir Albert,” the vampire told him. “Those days are long over. And on the contrary, you’re well on time.”

“I am sorry to say, but I was delayed by 5.6 seconds due to the cleaner Prinnies obstructing our paths.”

“What a nuisance. I will need to instruct them to clear the way for guests… Well, don’t worry about it. I am curious to know how your investigation into Phlegethon went.”

Albert sat down near his host and opened another book he fetched from his coat. “Quite the challenge it was. Not only was it unbearably hot, but the river was so complex that I had to summon every ounce of patience just to map it correctly. Not to mention I was also constantly assaulted by Fire Demons, Great Wyrms and Zombies. Regardless, I have finished my work there and am able to add it to Hades’ geography.”

“Excellent. They will be helpful for tracking down Prinnies who attempt to flee from my training regimen,” Valvatorez nodded in appreciation. “Phlegethon is considered to be the second most dangerous river in Hades. For you to come back with little more than annoyance must be testament to your determination.”

“I am not as interested in hearing flattery as I am in hearing what you want from me. For you to say that Phlegethon is merely the second most dangerous location in Hades must mean that there is one river that is worse than that abomination.”

“Yes, well… Actually, there’s a favor I want to ask of you.”


	3. Pvt. Kiddo vs. Sexy Queen Etna

**DISGAIDEN**

**Part 3: Pvt. Kiddo vs. Sexy Queen Etna**

An entire army of Sea Angel class monsters splashed out of the flowing waters of Lethe like synchronized swimmers, floating in the air in majestic patterns before surrounding the Prinny Squadron and their new recruit.

“Lowalski, head count, dood!” Kippers ordered.

“One hundred strong! At 250 Hell per pop, we’re looking at 25,000 Hell, dood!” Lowalski reported.

“Okay, Kiddo! Show us what you’re made of, dood! If you can kill them in under five minutes, you’ll pass the speed test, dood!”

“’Kay,” the demon girl replied dully and leapt toward the many feminine creatures. They crooned with their singing voices, and then their faces and heads opened up like mutant plants to unleash a flurry of tentacles at her. She simply teleported out of the tentacles’ line of fire faster than one could blink, which greatly confused the Sea Angels. She reappeared high in the air behind them and summoned thousands of glowing white feathers that straightened into sharp quills. The girl shot her arm forth, commanding the feathers to plunge at the Sea Angels like a torrent of brilliant bullets.

 ** _“DOOOOOOOOD!!”_** Ryan shouted in sheer awe. The Prinny Squad felt like they were watching a fireworks show, except this one was going to tear apart hundreds of monsters all at once.

The Sea Angels panicked and tried to scatter about, but the combination of them bumping into each other in a frenzied state and the feather bullets proved to be their undoing. The quills pierced through each one effortlessly, even tearing apart their tentacles. Each one plummeted back into the water from whence they came from, their dead bodies and blood tainting Lethe River. A pack of Shark Dragons surfaced from deep below the currents and voraciously feasted upon this surprise rain of corpses.

The little demon girl landed near the astounded Prinny Squad and asked Kippers, “What’sh my time?”

“Oh, uh, uh… Lowalski!” Kippers uttered.

The taller Prinny stopped his watch and announced, “Twenty seconds, dood.”

“Forget a five minute time limit, Kippers! You should give her at least a minute tops, dood!” Ryan ecstatically said, and Reeko nodded in agreement.

“Well, let’s save that for tomorrow, dood. Now we move on to the Flora Beast colony for the endurance test, dood,” Kippers said and began to lead the pack to their next destination.

“Muuuu…” the girl whined and rubbed her lethargic eyes.

“Uh, Kippers? I think she’s getting tired, dood,” Ryan pointed out.

“Tired, huh? What’re you going to do, dood? I guess just landing here after traveling through space and then being put through the gamut is going to put a strain on such a little kid, dood. All right, boys, let’s pack it up for tonight! Reeko, you and I will scout the Forgotten Garden, dood. Lowalski, you’re in charge of observing the Orc Hamlet’s movements, dood. Private, take the Kiddo back to Prinny Village and get her settled in, dood.”

“Aye aye, sir!” the Private saluted, and then took the girl’s hand and told her, “Let’s go to my home village and get you to bed, dood. You must have had a long day today, haven’t you, dood?”

“Hmm…”

“Still can’t remember your name, dood?”

“No…”

“Aww, don’t let it get you down, dood. I don’t know what happened to mess up your memory, but I’m sure it’ll come back, dood.”

They walked along the river’s coastline as the sun gradually set and turned the colorful sky into blackness. By the time most of the sunset had vanished, the duo reached a small enclave with dome shaped houses that were designed to look like Prinny heads.

“I know it doesn’t look like much, dood, but pick a house and make yourself comfortable,” Ryan said, and the child looked around curiously.

“Where awe the othah Pwinnies?”

“They’re all gone, dood. We have to wait for a new batch to arrive from the training facility in Hades, dood.”

“Twaining fashiwity?”

“That’s right. The local Prinny Instructor puts us through grueling lessons and tests to get us ready to serve our new masters, dood.”

“Ohh…” the girl nodded in recognition. “Den I will pick… Dish one.”

She selected a house and crawled into the nearest bed, practically passing out on the spot. Ryan covered her with some blankets and tucked her in properly, and then went back to his house to get some rest as well.

* * *

The Forgotten Garden region of Lethe River was populated with hundreds of Flora Beast monsters whose numbers were starting to get out of control. Their colony was starting to encroach on the nearby Orc Hamlet, and the two tribes were preparing to wage a territorial war. None of this meant much to Kippers and Reeko as they peered through binoculars at the Flora Beasts as they were having a war meeting. The Prinnies couldn’t understand what the monsters were saying, but they weren’t worried about that.

“Reeko, give me a head count, dood,” Kippers whispered as quietly as possible.

Reeko panned the area for a minute, then garbled, “$&@#* 4004.”

“Wow, that’s a lot, dood. This could be a real problem, dood. Flora Beasts are worth a little more than Orcs, but if we don’t cull their numbers soon, they could practically choke all of Lethe River out, dood.”

“$@*&$ 4004?”

“The Kiddo could probably do it on her own, but we need to deal with the Orcs too, dood.”

They kept observing and strategizing for a short while. That was when they noticed an ominous reddish glow lighting up the night sky, and everyone gazed up to see what was going on. A small meteor was descending straight for the Forgotten Garden. The Prinnies looked through their binoculars and spotted a red haired girl with a ridiculously revealing black bra, mini shorts, elbow gloves and thigh boots standing atop the meteor like she was just casually hitching a ride on an impending explosive rock of death.

 ** _“Run for the hills, dood!!”_** Kippers shouted. He and Reeko ran away from the scene, and the Flora Beast colony scrambled around in panic before being totally decimated by the crashed meteor’s explosion. The shockwave sent the two Prinnies flying upside down against a tree. The red haired girl had jumped off in time and landed in the now smoldering Forgotten Garden, surrounded by dead monsters.

“Hmm, nothing like freshly killed small fry to start my conquest,” she stretched.

Reeko got back to his feet and marched toward the crazy girl, making the bras d’honneur pose while shouting, “$%*$ *@#^( @*$^ &*( @^*@ 4004!!!”

“The hell? You got a problem with me-” the girl struck a seductive pose and had pink hearts surrounding her (despite looking like a 14 year old teenager who hadn’t started ‘blossoming’ in certain areas and was clearly WAY too young to be engaging in such behavior) and declared, “The Sexy Beauty Queen Etna!?”

Kippers rejoined his brother when he heard the girl announce her name. He thought for a moment as to where he heard that name before… And then practically shit some bricks.

“DOOD! Y-You’re that-!?”

“Oh, it looks like the legend of my awesomeness is spreading to Netherworlds I’ve never heard of before,” Etna boasted.

“You’re that notorious sadist demon chick who forces Prinnies to work for next to nothing, dood!!”

“Hmm… I don’t mind the ‘demon chick’ part, but…” she equipped her trademark Elder Spear and jammed it against Kippers’ forehead. “You have three seconds to rephrase that ‘sadistic’ part, buster.”

“Uh, uh, uh- I meant you use the toughest love imaginable to-!”

“Time’s up! **Blade Bash!** ”

She stuck her polearm through Kippers and smashed him into the ground before freeing him. Reeko helped him get back up, but neither were in any condition to challenge her as she proudly stood over them with an impish smile while fingering the ring on her choker.

* * *

Valvatorez had explained everything to Albert about the peculiarities surrounding Lethe River and asked if he would take the job of surveying the area. To Valvatorez’s delight, Albert readily accepted. Several hours later, Albert was riding down the river on a decently sized ferry boat navigated by the only Reaper demon in Valvatorez’s service that was used to the area. It would take them at least a couple of days for them to reach the opposite end of the stream, but Albert wasn’t in a particular hurry.

The ferry’s slower pace allowed him to use his cartography tools to gradually plot their path and make a map according to his calculations. He could use the position of the stars to keep his sense of direction, the strength of the current to judge how fast the river flowed, geographical data to make a legend for others to follow, and many other details that would help in his project.

It was during the middle of his work that Albert and the ferryman noticed the glowing red meteor plummeting far in the distance. It exploded with an impressive show of red light and fire, and the light shockwave that followed was enough to ripple the gently flowing water, but not enough to affect the ferry boat’s course.

Albert adjusted his tilted glasses and asked, “What in the Netherworld was that all about?”

“It’s just your average meteor, although it’s unusual to see them along Lethe River. They tend to pop up in Phlegethon or Styx, although some strays have seen sighted in Coctyus and Acheron. Of course, since Lethe isn’t well documented, not many people know about what goes on around here,” the ferryman explained.

“Well ain’t that just lovely? I already had enough of a headache dealing with Phlegethon’s lava flows constantly changing the geography of the place. If meteor showers are common all across Hades, then it will become a logistical nightmare to keep track of the topographical changes.”

“Well, that’s your problem, not mine. If you ask me, you might as well give up on your project.”

“That will not be happening. And you have a point about it being my problem. All I ask of you is to keep your opinions to yourself and escort me to my destination.”

The Reaper rolled his eyes and thought, _If you didn’t want my opinion, then don’t start a conversation with me, chump._

* * *

In the Orc Hamlet, Lowalski was keeping tabs on the Orcs as they sharpened their weapons and prepared for an all out assault against the Flora Beast colony. He silently kept track of their numbers and what they were doing. Everything was going along as normal until Etna’s meteor crash landed in the Forgotten Garden, causing the Orcs to stop what they were doing and look in that general direction.

Although surprised by the sudden event, Lowalski kept calm and used his zooming night vision camera to get a better look of what was going on there. He couldn’t see well due to the raging fire blinding his vision. On top of that, the Orcs took it to be a sign that the Flora Beasts were on the move and decided to strike first. They charged out of their little village, leaving a rather confused Lowalski to say to himself, “This might get complicated, dood.”

He stayed behind the angry mob by a good distance and followed them to the burning gardens. He found them just as they emerged from the bushes and surrounded Etna and the two Prinnies, while also surprised by the number of their enemy’s corpses strewn about the place. The Orcs snorted at Etna and raised their spiked clubs to prepare for a gang attack.

“What a pain. I’m not really into crowd control,” Etna grumbled boredly, not seeing the monsters as a genuine threat. She extended her arm into the air and snapped her fingers, yelling, “Come on, Prinnies!”

Kippers and Reeko were confused about what she meant. Then they heard the distinct whizzing sound of multiple objects falling from the sky – bombs, metal bins, dynamite, and a group of Prinnies all rained upon the alarmed Orcs, creating a decent explosion that killed at least one monster and forced the others to scatter in terror. The new Prinnies stood back up and surrounded Etna, addressing her with a simultaneous salute.

“You called for us, Lady Etna, dood?” one of the vassals asked.

“Good timing, boys. Now that I’ve cleaned up the place, I have a few questions to ask from these two,” she replied, pointing at a nervously sweating Kippers and Reeko.

A few minutes later, Lowalski emerged from the bushes and found his brothers being used as makeshift pillows for Etna to rest upon while her stewards found berries to feed her or leaves to fan her with. She dug her heels into Reeko’s skin and asked, “So what’s the deal with this place anyway? It’s full of nothing but savage monsters. Isn’t there any semblance of civilized life around here?”

“$&*@^$@ 4004...” Reeko moaned.

“What the hell are you trying to say? I can’t understand you when you’re talking in gibberish. Or is that the native people’s language here? It’d be a pain in the ass for me to learn a whole new language when I can just decimate everyone and install my language instead.”

“Ah, no…” Kippers grunted beneath Etna’s elbow. “That’s just Reeko’s thing, dood…”

“Well that’s perfect! The less work there is for me to do, the more there is for you guys. Anyway, I might as well ask you what’s going on here instead of my nonsensical ottoman.”

“Well, you see, dood…”

Lowalski approached Kippers and said, “Reporting in, dood… Although I think you already know what’s going on, dood.”

“Yeah, sort of, dood.”

Lowalski pointed at Etna. “So who’s the jailbait that lying all over you, dood?”

 _Everyone_ stopped. The Prinnies dropped what they were doing and hid behind various trees and shrubs. Kippers grunted, “Uh, that wasn’t such a good idea, dood…”

Etna stood up and towered over Lowalski with the meanest look in her ruby eyes.

“First of all, I was **_sitting_** on him.”

“Ah, I didn’t realize, dood! I couldn’t tell the difference between your chest and your back, dood!”

Kippers and Reeko despondently put their hands together in a praying gesture, and the former murmured, “Requiescat in pace, dood.”

“Wait, what-?”

* * *

Albert had to squint to block out the sudden surging light that illuminated the night sky around the same area where the meteor landed earlier. A pillar of fire rose, followed by a grey mushroom cloud before everything returned to darkness.

“My goodness, whatever is going on out there?” he wondered.

“That area is notorious for territorial wars among various species,” the Reaper guide said. “Who knows? Maybe one of their battles is getting out of control.”

“I’m starting to see why few of Hades’ resident demons would want to come out here. It would be suicide to cross paths with any one of these warring tribes over something as petty as territory. But the prospect of being a pioneer who helps bring future civilization to this war zone will always inspire me to press forward.”

“Nice to see you have some motive for this suicidal journey, good sir.”

“Why, it almost feels like I’ve become a proverbial Columbus.”

“Who is that supposed to be?”

“Ah, care for a history lesson about the humans?”

“Not rea-“

“Where shall I begin?”

As Albert thought about where to begin his story, the Reaper groaned and thought, _This is gonna be a long night, isn’t it?_

* * *

Lowalski lay flat on his back, his body charred black and his eyes wide and empty from shock. The small blaze that tickled Etna’s finger extinguished itself, and then she leaned over the burnt Prinny and said, “Golden Rule #1: Never insult my sexy body. Lesson learned?”

“Lesson… learned… dood…” he coughed up smoke.

“Good. Now get off your ass and take me to your village.”

Lowalski got up and lumbered next to his brothers while guiding Etna and her vassals across the hills to the Prinny village. The dejected Lowalski groaned, “We’re so screwed, dood. We were so close to paying off our debt too, dood…”

“Don’t worry, dood. You-Know-Who is back at the village,” Kippers whispered.

“You talking about the Private, dood?”

“No, you imbecile! The new kid!”

Lowalski’s eyes lit up a bit. “Oh yeah…”

“She can beat up that self proclaimed Not-So-Sexy Queen and send her packing, dood!”

“You sure that’s going to work out, dood?”

“It better, or we can forget about reincarnating anytime soon, dood.”

Lowalski’s dread grew even worse, but he kept silent and had faith that Kippers’ plan would work. They didn’t have any other option anyway. They made their way along the river’s coastline to the near-deserted Prinny village, not saying a word lest they incite the short tempered demon’s wrath again. They arrived, and Etna looked around with a disapproving frown.

“What a dump,” she muttered. “This definitely needs to come down to make room for my castle. All right, Prinnies! Start tearing down these ugly houses! You have until the morning to clean up this eyesore!”

“Eh!? Just until the morning!? We won’t even be able to finish the demolition by then, dood!” one of her vassals complained.

“No whining! Be grateful that I gave you so much time to slack off! Or would you prefer to do it all within the next hour!?”

“No, no, dood! We’ll get it done by sunrise, dood!”

With that, the Prinnies got to work demolishing the houses with whatever tools they could extract from their fanny packs. Drills whirred, hammers banged and sledgehammers smashed through the masonry of the first house. The commotion caused Ryan to wake up and exit his place, surprised to see so many Prinnies wrecking his village. The little girl also heard the cacophony and went outside, rubbing her worn out eyes. She had been in the middle of a nice dream, and although she didn’t show it, she was a little irate from the disturbance.

“Muuu, what’sh going on out here? It’sh sho noishy,” the girl complained.

“I don’t know, dood. Why _are_ you wrecking the place, Kippers?” Ryan wondered. “Are we moving somewhere, dood?”

“Huh? Who are you supposed to be?” Etna asked. “Some lost kid?”

Kippers suddenly cried out behind the Beauty Queen, “HELP US, DOOD! This crazy witch just landed out of nowhere and is trying to take over Lethe for herself, dood!”

“Shut up, you cretin!” Etna tried to punch him flat into the ground. That was when the little girl teleported next to her and grabbed her wrist. She tried to fight out of her grasp, but the child was surprisingly strong for her petite stature. “Wh-What are you doing, dammit!?”

“I don’t know who you awe, but you won’t way a fingah on my commandah, ‘kay?”

“What are you talking about!?” Etna attempted to break free from the girl’s grip with a jabbing elbow to her face, but she dodged it and used the momentum to throw Etna over her shoulder. The demon lord was caught off guard by the counter, but somersaulted a few times and landed on her feet unharmed. Unfortunately, she was right next to the frightened Ryan. He tried to scramble away, but Etna grabbed him and jabbed her Elder Spear against his head. His brothers gasped and tried to come to his rescue.

“Don’t move! If you value this Prinny’s life, you’re going to give me this Netherworld and call me your Sexy Queen!”

“Muuu… Dat’s shuch a wast shentuwy tactic.”

“I’m kind of inclined to agree with you, but this is my only chance to take down the Prince! Winners reap and losers weep. That’s just how it goes, little girl.”

“Hmm… Den yoah gonna weep good, ‘kay?” the kid deviously smiled.

“By ‘weep’, you mean ‘reap’, right?”

The blue haired child vanished in a flash of feathers, stunning Etna at how fast it happened. She reappeared behind Etna and jammed some quills into her joints, causing temporary paralysis and forcing her to drop Ryan. He fled back to his brothers and Etna’s vassals as they watched the battle in awe.

“A teleporter, huh…?” Etna growled. She clenched her hands to resist the pain, and then summoned her inner might to tear the quills out of her body while screaming, **_“You don’t know who you’re messing with, you annoying little brat!!”_**

The kid recalled, “Oh, wight. You didn’t intwodushe yershelf.”

“You’re going to regret screwing around with the sexiest queen of all the Netherworld! Take this! **_DEAD END CHAOS!_** ”

The world turned white around Etna and the girl. Etna fell into a white pit surrounded by black pillars where her most loyal Prinny vassals awaited her at the ground. She revealed the pillars to actually be gigantic spears pointing upward, and she commanded them to skewer the girl far above them. They did so, and then Etna ordered her vassals to rocket after the spears and detonate around the ensnared girl, creating a fantastic miniature nuclear explosion.

“Just like that!” Etna proudly declared, landing back in place after finishing her over the top attack. Her opponent lay on the ground covered in cuts and bruises. The Prinny Squad’s beaks dropped in disappointment – they thought their new recruit would have been strong enough to fight against this demon. Was she actually not as powerful as they thought?

“Well, now that that’s out of the way…” Etna cracked her knuckles and faced the terrified Prinnies. “I can take my sweet time turning this dump into my personal playground. But first of all, I believe I need to dole out some punishment on a certain someone for calling me jailbait.”

“Dood!?” Lowalski yelped, and the others scrambled away from him. She grabbed his head and squeezed it so hard that the pressure distorted his face. “Aaagh, my brains are getting squished, dood!”

“It’s not my fault you ran your mouth off like that. I could go all the way and turn you into an example of what happens when you disobey me… But I’m feeling a little generous today,” Etna chucked him aside and continued, “I need all of the slaves I can get to build my castle for me. All right, you bastards! Get back to work pront-!!”

The demon girl stopped in mid sentence. She felt something unnaturally tight wrap around her long thin tail, and she glared back to see what it was. The Prinny brothers cheered in excitement – the blue haired child had recovered and was now tightening her grip on Etna’s tail. She had a placid smile on her face, but the malice it masked was very obvious to everyone involved.

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Etna exclaimed in total shock. “You should have been shish kebabed to death back there!”

The girl retorted, “Yoah sho cliche, it makes me wanna cwy. Whywu you were beeshy bwagging, I wash heewing myshelf. Now dat yer turn ish ovah, it’sh my turn to way the shmack down on yer fwat ash, you dishgushting Esh-Tee-Dee waden whoah.”

Etna became absolutely furious at the innocent looking child’s foul insults. She tried to escape from her enemy’s grasp, but the girl used her tail as a whip to thrash Etna over her head and smash her face against the ground. She did this several more times, and then tossed Etna over the ground so violently that it caused burns on her skin. The girl teleported over the helpless Etna while she was dragging along and performed a dive kick straight against her stomach, knocking the wind out of her and cratering the ground around them.

The child flipped backwards a few times and landed with Olympic precision, observing her defeated enemy as she tried to get back up. Etna gasped to regain her breath and struggled to get back to her feet. In response, the little girl teleported above Etna and repeatedly kicked her heels against her face to drive her back into the earth. She tried to jam her foot down one last time when Etna blocked it with her arm and flipped backwards to get the hell away from this violent kid.

Etna was furious. One eye was bruised so badly that it was nearly swollen shut, and some blood trickled out of her nose. She shouted to her vassals, “Damn it, Prinnies! Hurry up and stop her!”

The Prinnies stood behind the nervous four brothers, not reacting or making any movements for what felt like a long while. Then one vassal said in a flat tone, “No way, dood.”

“What was that…!?”

“We were never on your side to begin with, dood,” another one said.

“We have found our true master, dood. If you want us back so badly, feel free and try to defeat our new leader, dood.”

“Get out of here, dood! You’re not wanted here, dood!”

“Begone, dood! Begone, dood!”

Etna used her spear as a prop to keep herself upright as she glared daggers at the sweetly smiling child. The girl said, “Wooks wike yer not wanted anymore. I suggesht you get out of our shight wight away…”

She opened her eyes, and for a brief moment, Etna could sense incredible malice emanating from the child’s eyes.

**_“Before I eradicate your worthless ass from the face of this planet, you barbaric prostitute.”_ **


	4. Food Fight

**DISGAIDEN**

**Part 4: Food Fight**

Etna sweated. She could remember the days when the Overlord Krichevskoy, the man who saved her life, would use the same nightmarish expression when he was extremely angry with someone. The seemingly innocent child’s demonic change in attitude mirrored his. Etna remembered the fear that Krichevskoy inspired during these moments. It was coming back. If she didn’t get the hell out of here, she was going to be vaporized.

Realizing she was defeated, Etna didn’t bother with a typical villain’s exit speech. She instead leapt high into the stratosphere and summoned another meteor for her to hitch a ride on. Within seconds, she was gone. The only mark she left on Lethe River was the extermination of the Flora Beast and Orc enclaves, the addition of a few new Prinnies to the squad, and proof that the still-unknown child could beat up a fellow demon with little trouble to save the Netherworld’s weakest race.

The girl’s evil aura vanished as quickly as it came, and she reverted to her tired, infantile self. She moaned, “Muu… What wash I doing again?”

All of the Prinnies suddenly applauded and surrounded the dumbfounded kid. Ryan rushed in and gave her a big hug while crying, “Thank you so much, dood! I thought we were gonna be goners, dood!”

“Hmmm… Oh yeah, that cwazy weidy ish gone, ishn’t she?”

“Like a bad dream, thanks to you, dood,” Lowalski patted her back. Reeko coughed up a freshly wrapped lollipop to give as a treat to her.

“All hail our savior, dood!” Etna’s (former) vassals cheered. “That tramp would work us like dogs and pay us next to nothing, dood! Her boss was just as bad, dood! He’d be all like ‘ ** _HAA HA HA HA!_** I’m the Overlord and you’re gonna do what I say whether you like it or not’, dood!”

“Shounds wike a pwace I wouldn’t wanna go to,” the girl moaned.

“Definitely not! That’s why we’d be happy to serve under you, dood! We’ll follow you to the end of the world… Well okay, not that far, but we’ll definitely follow you, dood!”

“Ahem! Last time I checked, boys, _I_ was her commanding officer, dood,” Kippers reminded the joyful Prinnies. “Since she’s my subordinate, that means she follows _me_ , which means you boys follow me too. Capiche, dood?”

“Huh?” one of the ex-vassals wondered. “An Overlord following a Prinny’s orders? I’ve never heard of that, dood.”

“Ah, well… She doesn’t really consider herself an Overlord, even though she has the strength of one, dood…”

The Prinnies weren’t sure what to make of this. Then one asked Kippers, “Does she have a castle, dood?”

“Of course not. She just landed here, dood,” he replied and quickly explained her situation to them. “We thought of just letting her stay in the Prinny village, dood.”

“Seriously, dood?” Ryan voiced his disapproval. “I don’t know if that will be a good idea in the long run, dood.”

“Why not, Private?”

“Well, we will be getting new batches of Prinnies in the future, dood, and they need a place to stay, right? What if we built her a small castle for her to live in, dood? It could be our way of repaying her for everything she’s done for us, dood.”

“Hmm…” Kippers thought about it for a bit. He then approached the girl as she sucked on her lollipop, completely oblivious to the conversation. “Pvt. Kiddo, I have an offer to make for you, dood. If you can help us Prinnies kill the monsters populating Lethe River, we’ll agree to build you a house that you can call home, dood. Anything you want. Nothing’s too big or too small for us, dood.”

“My own home?” she repeated. After landing in so many Netherworlds and constantly being rejected, the prospect of finally having her own home being built for her was too great to ignore. She didn’t express a lot of joy as usual, but she was excited deep inside. “Shua, why not?”

“It’s a deal then, dood! So what do you want, and where do you want it, dood?”

“Muu…” the girl looked around and found a tiny beach jutting out from a nearby fjord. “Dat wooks wike a good pwace.”

“That small beach, dood?” Ryan was baffled. “I thought you would have wanted something a little… grander, dood.”

“Don’t question her, Private! Whatever she wants, we’ll make it for her, dood!” Kippers interjected.

Lowalski waddled over to the area and quickly inspected it. He reported, “It’s not bad, but it’s only enough for a small cottage, dood.”

“Dat shounds good,” the kid nodded. “And I want a kitchen, a bathtub, a bedwoom, and a pwaywoom whea I can put my toys and watch TV. It needsh the wowud’s besht kotatshu, though. Nothing but the besht sho I can sweep while watching TV. And I want the houshe to be nyshe and smawu sho it’sh eashy foa me to cwean.”

“Huh? You don’t want us to do any cleaning for you, dood?”

“Why?”

“That’s what most Overlords tend to do, dood.”

“But I’m not an Ovahwohd, sho it’sh okay, wight?”

“Uh…” Lowalski was quite confused by the girl’s lackadaisical attitude. Kippers nudged him and coyly whispered, “Don’t question it, dood. Don’t question it.”

“Oh right... Sure, that’s no problem for us, dood! Give me a minute,” Lowalski said and unfurled some paper, then rapidly sketched a blueprint for the new cottage. He finished on record time and showed it to her. “Does this look good, dood?”

“Hmm…” she gazed at it for a while, and then said, “Dat wooks about wight.”

“Perfect! Then let’s get started, boys! We’ll get this done by tomorrow no problem, dood!” Kippers shouted to his new Prinny Squadron, and they emphatically raised their arms to get themselves motivated.

“B-But I don’t wanna fowce you to woak sho fasht foa me,” she implored. “Ishn’t bounty hunting moa impowtant dan dat? I can wait foh you to finish.”

Kippers confidently put his fins on his hips and declared, “Don’t underestimate us, Kiddo! When we Prinnies set our minds to something, we get it done pronto, dood! Just you watch! You’ll be lazing about in your new home by tomorrow night, dood!”

“Hmm, dat shounds exshyting,” the girl smiled, assured that she wasn’t forcing them to work so hard for her. She sat on the grass and watched them scramble around looking for materials. Naturally, Kippers promoted himself to foreman and had put on a hard hat to denote his position. He ordered the others around, and within the next hour, the foundation was already laid out.

The kid grew restless from watching and anxiously asked Kippers, “Um, ish dere anyding I can do to help you guysh?”

“No, no, we got this covered, dood!”

“But won’t you guysh be hungwy or thirshty?”

“Hmm… Now that you mention it, we won’t have time to make any food, dood. Then you don’t mind working as the mess lady, dood?”

“I can do dat. I can kill shome moa dwagons and cook moa shoup.”

“Fantastic! Don’t forget to collect the bounty money from your targets as well, dood!”

“’Kay.” The child ran off into the forests by herself to look around for more food.

* * *

At the outermost edges of Turbine Hills, the largest geographical formation along Lethe River, one demon was in the midst of a fierce battle against another dragon. He was a wandering fighter named Slade, who looked to be in his early twenties. His slate grey hair was matted from the deft movements required for battle, and his determined eyes were as equally grey. He wore a jacket that showed off his defined abs, and his torn capri pants revealed his legs to be metallic cybernetic replacements. His left arm was also a metal gauntlet with claws for fingers, but his right arm was much different. It was a large red protuberance resembling a limb, with five talons dripping blood from the sharp tips. A red eyeball blinked on the hand itself and emanated a miasma that granted Slade more energy to fight with.

Slade panted and got into his fighting stance as his next opponent stomped toward him, and then it flew and performed a fast dive bomb with its talons. Slade was caught in the onslaught as the dragon’s foot latched around his body, and it viciously spun him against the earth five times before throwing him out of its grasp. Slade landed with such a nasty thud that he bounced off the ground. The dragon descended upon him and tore its sharp nails against his flesh.

Slade rolled aside and gasped several times, clutching the bleeding wound on his chest. He wouldn’t let it deter him though. He had been through much worse and always endured it to emerge victorious. This wasn’t going to be any different. Slade clenched his teeth and extended his right arm, shouting, “Come to me, forbidden power!”

The eyeball turned black and created threads of darkness to envelop Slade, transforming him into a silhouette with glowing white eyes. He launched himself backwards and leapt about on the surrounding rocks and trees like a high speed grasshopper.

**“Eigengrau!!”**

As soon as Slade called out the name of his attack, the world around the dragon turned pitch black and allowed Slade’s silhouette to merge with the darkness, making it impossible for the beast to see where he was. Then it felt hundreds of punches break its bones and thousands of slashes dig through its scaly skin. It didn’t even feel itself fall dead to the ground.

The darkness faded and allowed the moon’s light to illuminate the night sky again. Slade’s figure returned to normal and he collapsed to his knees from the pain and exertion of using his strongest attack.

“Ugh! Damn it all to hell… Is this still not good enough for me?” he wheezed. He punched the ground and told himself, “No! I must persevere! The more I fight, the better I will become! This is but one step towards realizing my ambition!”

Having motivated himself from his little pep talk, Slade stumbled back to his feet and growled. His chest wound flared with agony, and he needed to take care of it right away. He found a roll of bandages in his jacket – one of many, of course - and plastered some over his bleeding wound, making sure that no blood would seep through the fabric before he was satisfied. Once he dressed his injury, Slade stood up and positioned himself in a contemplative pose, channeling his inner chi to cast a light healing spell. It wasn’t perfect, but it would suffice for now.

After he finished healing himself, Slade heard a twig break in the distance and whipped his head back. He thought someone was trying to sneak up on him, but he didn’t find anyone. Then he heard some bushes ruffling within the forest. He didn’t feel the familiar rumble of dragons thundering across the land on their massive feet, so he was certain that who- or whatever this was, it would not be a gigantic threat.

Slade cautiously scurried toward the source of the noise, hiding himself and peering through foliage until he found someone kneeling in front of a berry bush with a basket full of fruit next to her. He paled a little. A smiling young woman from his memories superimposed the oblivious stranger. Both of them had the same cerulean blue hairstyle, which triggered the moment.

“… Mae? Is that you?” Slade gasped and slowly reached out to the blue haired figure. He put his clawed hand on her shoulder and she turned around in wide eyed surprise.

“Ah?” It was the little girl looking for food to make the Prinnies’ next meal.

“Oh! My apologies,” he uttered and jerked his hand away. The memory of the woman vanished once he realized his error. “I thought you were someone else.”

“Someone elsh?”

“Yes, but she’s dead. I was an idiot for thinking you were her, but you just happen to look a lot like her. I’m sorry for bothering you like this.”

“Muu… ‘Kay. Jusht an honesht mishtake,” the girl said and continued looking for berries, not even slightly curious as to who this strange fellow striking up a conversation with her was.

Slade scratched his chin and asked out of curiosity, “So what are you doing alone in such a dangerous region of Hades? Don’t you know that you could get killed easily here, young lady?”

“A wittle. I jusht wanded here, sho I don’t know much about dish pwace. But I killed some dwagons to make shoup foa the Pwinnies, and dey hired me ash a bounty huntah. Dey’re building my new home wight now and I’m the mesh weidy, sho I need to hunt foa food to feed dem.”

Slade was rightly baffled by what the girl was saying. Did she just say she killed some of the strongest monsters on Lethe River like it was nothing? Those very same creatures gave him a tremendously hard time during his last battle, and he was still sweating a little from that ordeal.

“I see…” was all he could say. “So if you just ‘landed’ here, then I’m guessing you have no parents for me to bring you back home to, right?”

“Yeah. I can go back to the Pwinny pwace by myshelf, shir.”

“So you’re being looked after by the Prinny enclave… Well, as long as you’re safe, then I won’t get in your way anymore. Pardon me for my earlier rudeness once again, and take good care,” Slade bowed before leaping onto the nearest tree branch and jumping out of sight.

The girl watched him depart, and then shrugged and muttered, “What a weird guy… Mu?”

She noticed something shining on the ground and picked it up. It was a golden locket with the photo of a young woman with blue hair that was styled very similarly to the child’s. The woman had long black horns on her forehead and blue eyes though, which the child didn’t have.

“Uh oh. Dat guy musht have dwopped dish,” she realized and looked around for Slade. Unfortunately, he was long gone by that point, and she had no idea where he was headed to. “Guesh I’ll have to hang on to dish foh him. Maybe I’ll meet him again while bounty hunting.” 

* * *

Morning came for the busy Prinnies, but they barely noticed while they were so preoccupied with finishing their construction project. The demon child also helped with cooking, which gave the Prinnies the energy they needed to finish. By late in the afternoon, they put on the finishing touches to the cottage.

Kippers stood back and folded his arms, satisfied with their work. He asked the girl, “So how is it, dood?”

“Wooks good to me sho fah.”

“You should see the inside, dood. Your jaw is gonna drop!”

They went inside and checked out the few rooms. The kitchen was humble yet spacious, with cupboards full of rations she had found earlier; the bathtub was simply a large wooden bucket over some coals where a fire could be lit to warm the water; the girl’s favorite room – the recreation lounge – had a box TV with a DVD player and some games, empty shelves meant to store toys later on, and a kotatsu with thick heated blankets that she could laze under when things were quiet.

“Dis ish…” the child’s eyes welled up and she resisted the urge to cry. “My vewy first home… It’sh pawfect… Dank you sho much, Pwinnies.”

“What’d I tell ya, dood?” Kippers declared. Reeko and Lowalski gave each other a high five behind him. “Nothing’s impossible for us when we put our minds to it, dood! Now you remember your part of the bargain, right, dood?”

“I help you kill bounty monshtas, wight?”

“Good lass! Now we have the rest of the day to recover from this project, but I want you and all of the new cadets assembled around the Prinny village’s fire pit by 20:00 on the dot, dood! Understood?”

“Aye aye, sir!” the Prinnies saluted. The girl clumsily followed suit and said, “A-Aye aye, dood!”

“Kid, you don’t need to end your sentences with dood… Dood.”

The Prinnies waddled out of the new cottage and returned to the village to get some much needed sleep. Once she was finally by herself, the child immediately curled up under the kotatsu. Having floated in deep space for God knows how long, she had missed the sensation of shrouding herself in cozy blankets and losing herself to the homely warmth and comfort that they provided. She could stay here for all of eternity and not care about what was going on in the outside world. As long as she had her kotatsu and something on TV to watch, she would be the happiest demon in all of the Netherworld.

* * *

Several hours later, Ryan knocked on the door to the brand new cottage and called out, “Kiddo? Hey, Kiddo! It’s time for the meeting, dood!”

He smelled the distinct scent of freshly caught sardines roasting in the oven and allowed his nose to guide him to the kitchen. To his surprise, he was met with the blue-haired child having an epic stare down with a naughty Slumber Kitty that had stolen her meal.

“Muuu~uuu~uuu…” the girl grumbled and narrowed her eyes.

“Nyaaa~aaa~aaa…” the kitten hissed in response.

“Uh… Am I interrupting anything, dood?” Ryan asked.

“Ah, Pwivate!”

The greedy feline used the girl’s distraction to scurry across the room and leap out of the window.

“Hey! Get back heah, you wittle thief!”

She chased it outside, but lost sight of it. She threw a tantrum, flailing her oversized pink sleeves around as she fumed, “Bwast it! Dat wittle bwat snuck in and stowe my big catch! No one getsh away with dat, no mattah how cute dey awe!”

“Now, now, just calm down, dood,” Ryan coaxed. “There’s plenty of fish in the river for you to catch later, dood.”

“But I’m hungwy! I’m not gonna feel bettah ‘til I get my meal back!”

“Okay, um… Let’s talk this over with Kippers first, okay, dood? You don’t know where that creature might have run off to, and it might have devoured your food by now, dood. There’s no point in chasing it without a plan, okay, dood?”

“Muu! I should have ashked foh a shecurity shystem too! One with waser guns dat go ‘pew pew pew’ when an intwuder getsh too cwose!”

“Let’s go to the meeting place and we can talk about it with everyone else, dood. And we better hurry, too! Kippers gets real mad when we cadets are late, dood!”

“’Kay!” the girl agreed and followed Ryan to the Prinny Village. The other Prinnies were already assembled around Kippers as he and Lowalski gave an orientation about the hunting process to the newcomers.

“And that’s the gist of it, men! We let the mystery kid kill the big game while we handle the small fry, then discreetly give the money to the Angel Lady and pay off our debt, dood! Any questions!?” Kippers demanded.

“No, sir, dood!” the Prinnies saluted simultaneously.

“Oh, and it goes without saying that we have to keep Pvt. Kiddo’s involvement in our missions as classified as possible, dood! If the Angel Lady were to find out, she might pass the word out to Lord Valvatorez, dood! You wouldn’t want to be subjected to the Zettai Prinny Project, dood! Trust me on this one!”

“Eeek! That sounds terrifying, dood! Our beaks are sealed!” one of the cadets swore.

“Lowalski! Reeko! Assign these men to their next missions, dood! I’ve gotta have a chat with Ryan and the kid about their task!” Kippers told his subordinate, then jumped off the platform towards the flustered pair. “Where the hell have you two been, dood!? If I wasn’t busy grilling these pansies on their new life here, I would have put you both through the gamut, dood!”

“Terribly sorry, Kippers!” Ryan saluted nervously. “There was a small ‘issue’ at the kid’s house which riled her up, dood. I had to calm her down before bringing her here, dood.”

“An ‘issue’, you say? What could possibly be more important than our nightly strategy meetings, dood!?”

“Muu!” the girl pouted. “It wash a catashtwofee! One of dose wittle Swumbah Kitties shnuck into my houshe and stowe my food! Now I’m in a vewy, vewy bad mood!”

“Oohf!” Kippers shuddered. “I-I see, dood! Yes, indeed, matters which involve food are truly terrifying, dood! But wait a second… Did you say a Slumber Kitty did it?”

“Yeah! What’sh wong with dat!?”

“It’s just that those beasts were the only ones we’ve managed to drive out of the area thus far, dood.”

“And that was with luring them away by throwing hundreds of bacon-stuffed sardines into the raging river, dood,” Ryan grinned proudly. “It was my idea.”

“Well don’t sound too confident, sonny! It looks like they’re back with a vengeance, dood!” Kippers exclaimed. “If we don’t do something soon, they’ll rob us blind of all of our food, and we’ll starve before we can repay our debt, dood!”

“Oooh, dose wittle fiends!” the child growled. “We can’t make dis pwace shafe on an empty shtomach! I wanna go catch the wittle buggah and teach it a wesson it won’t fohget!”

“That’s the spirit, kiddo! I had a different mission outlined for us, but if there’s a threat that’s come back to bite us in the butt, then we better go take care of it pronto, dood!”

“But how awe we gonna find dat thing and make it pay foh itsh twangwesshions? I wost shight of it, and I don’t know this Nethahwowld well.”

“No worries, dood,” Ryan saluted. “No one’s love for sardines matches a Prinny’s! Especially Reeko’s. dood!”

On cue, the brusque Prinny popped out of the bushes and garbled, “&(%&*#@ 4004!”

“You heard the briefing, Reeko?” Kippers asked him. “Then get to it, bloodhound!”

“GAAAH!” Reeko pressed his beak against the ground and ran around like a dog on the prowl for its next meal. He zoomed into the forest in hot pursuit of a scent he picked up, and Kippers commanded, “After him, men! We must not lose sight of our tasty target, dood!”

“Are you sure you’re not just trying to get that sardine for yourself, dood?” Ryan mumbled.

“What’s that? Can’t hear you! Too busy, dood!”

The trio chased after Reeko into the dark forests of Lethe River. Lowalski hurried after them and huffed, “Don’t leave me behind, dood!”


	5. The Dark Hero

**DISGAIDEN**

**Part 5: The Dark Hero**

“Phew…”

A tall, blonde-haired man stood in the clearing in the middle of Lethe’s dense forests. With his long white trench coat, slim purple pants, and designer shoes accentuating the man’s slender yet toned frame, one could easily tell he was a fellow of no small stature. For, indeed, this man was none other than the one and only shining star of the Netherworld’s celebrity world; the Dark Hero, Axel.

… Of course, with all celebrities, the only thing bigger than their bank accounts was their ego, and, suffice to say, Axel was the proud owner of only the latter.

Today, he found himself in Lethe due to being part of the first movie deal he had made in years with Nether Studios. The head honchos were looking for someone who was strong and courageous enough to do a _Blair Witch Project_ -styled film where a lone cameraman would venture into the unexplored River of Oblivion and make groundbreaking discoveries. Having fallen into a slump after being given the boot out of the corrupternment, Axel eagerly took this opportunity to regain his lost stardom (or in his eyes, add to his immortal legacy) and signed the contract.

“I’m finally here,” Axel said to himself, which was something many would consider a pastime of his. Keeping his thoughts in his head was like asking a Succubus to not use sex appeal on her prey. Anyway, he continued, “This was where Margarette told me I had to do my filming, but I don’t even know where to begin…”

His cell phone rang, and he answered it with, “Hey, there! You’ve reached the one and only Dark Hero, Axel! Sorry I’m not in the area to give you my autograph, but you’re more than welcome to record this call for your continued listening pleasure!”

 _“Yo, Axel,”_ the director responded on the other line with a nonchalant tone. _“I see you finally made it there. You still in one piece, my boy?”_

“You sound like you have no faith in my talents, Mr. Director! So what exactly do you need me to do to make this film break the box offices!?”

_“It’s pretty simple, actually. All you need to do is run around the place sounding scared and wondering what’s waiting for you around the next corner.”_

“’Sounding scared’, huh? Sorry to disappoint you, sir, but I’m quite bad at showing fear, no matter what the situation!” Axel grinned with false confidence.

_“That’s funny. The guy who recommended you said you would be perfect for this job due to your two-faced personality.”_

“Yeah, well, you shouldn’t take what Adell says so seriously. If anything comes my way, I can assure you that the Dark Hero will beat the crap out of them, no problem!”

 _“Ugh, Axel, my boy. You’re missing the point of this movie,”_ the director grumbled in annoyance. _“This isn’t a martial arts film. It’s supposed to be a thriller where the excitement and fear comes from not knowing what a lone explorer will find in the Netherworld’s most desolate and uncharted lands!”_

“So if a monster comes out, what do you want me to do?”

_“Run like hell! Scream! Breathe heavily into the mic! Find a good place to hide and mutter incoherently until you think your enemy has left! If you have nerves of steel like you claim, then fake it as best as you can! I won’t pay for anything but the finest in panic and terror!”_

“Er… Well, uh… If that’s what you want me to do, then I guess I have no choice…”

_“Oh, and one more thing. Make sure that you’re never seen on camera either.”_

“What!? That’s insane!” Axel barked. “What kind of hero is never seen by his audience!?”

 _“Well, we’re dealing with a subgenre of horror and slasher films here, sonny. The viewers aren’t interested in who the protagonist is. They only want to be scared out of their pants by what the faceless hero stumbles upon!”_ the director explained jovially.

“But that wasn’t mentioned in the contract, sir!”

_“My film, my way. All you do is sign the contract and do what I say. Easy enough for you, right? Or should I find someone else to pay that million Hell to?”_

“Mmmgh… All right, then! Whether my adoring fans can see me or not is not an issue! All they need to understand is that the Dark Hero, champion of all things media, will not back down from a challenge! Just you wait, Mr. Director! No one regrets hiring Axel for their movies! You’ll be raking in so much Hell that you’ll be begging me to star in this movie’s sequel!”

_“I wasn’t ‘quite’ planning for a sequel… But if you can put your money where your words are, then I’ll consider it.”_

“Oh yeah! Now I’m getting’ pumped for this! Bring on the terror, you foul fiends! The Dark Hero will be ready for you!”

_“Good, good. I just hope you’ve got your life insurance up to date.”_

“Life insurance? Pah! Who needs that!”

_“Then see you when you get back… If you’re able to, of course.”_

“Yeah!” Axel cheered, feeling reinvigorated from his pep(?) talk. He took out his portable camera and said to himself, “Let’s do this! The champion of champions, Axel the Dark Hero, is ready to light the Netherworld with his blinding brilliance!”

Just as he said this though, he heard the pitter patter of small footsteps running toward him. The thieving Slumber Kitty from earlier burst out of the bushes and stopped in its tracks when it saw him.

“Huh?” he raised one of his jagged eyebrows. He cringed and muttered to himself, “I know I’m supposed to act scared and all that, but would my peerless courage and overwhelming bravery be mocked for all eternity if my fans saw me running from something so cute!?”

The kitten meowed angrily at him, apparently trying to tell him to get out of the way. Axel noticed the succulent cooked fish in its hands and wondered, “Oh my! Is that an offering you’re making to me!? I didn’t think anyone had the guts to approach someone as famous as myself! However humble your gift may be, little one, I will gladly accept it with a full heart (and an empty stomach)!”

Before he could try to take the food from the angry creature, several bolts of pure light shot through the foliage and pierced its body like a pincushion, killing it before it even knew what happened. The fish flew out of its hands and into Axel’s, who was completely confused about what was going on. Moments later, the blue-haired demon girl and the four Prinnies emerged into the clearing.

“That wiwu show you, you wittle shticky-fingahed wunt!” the child barked, then realized that Axel was busy munching away at the fish she so desperately wanted to eat herself. She became furious and screamed, “MUUUUU! That wash mine! Give it back!”

“&$&*^&!&^#*$(@&#^*^!%&*$&#*(!*&#@!*(@*^! 4004!!” Reeko likewise complained.

“Oh, was it yours? Sorry about that, young lady,” he apologized with very little sincerity. “My little feline fan must have went out of its way to steal the best food this place has to offer in order to appease my high-class palate.”

“Well that’s just great, dood,” Kippers groaned. “We went on a wild kitty hunt for nothing. Guess we better reconvene at the mess hall and fuel up for our next excursion, doods.”

“But more importantly, dood,” Lowalski said, then asked Axel, “Who are you supposed to be, dood?”

“Ah, what a bold question to ask of someone as famous as I!” the egomaniacal superstar retorted. “Don’t worry! I may be totally suspicious, but I am here on important business! You see, my unenlightened friends, I, the Dark Hero Axel, am seeking out the best Netherworld to set my latest film in. After much toiling and traveling, my discerning eyes have guided me to this world, which I have deemed perfect enough to create the backdrop for my-!”

“Oh, I remember this guy, dood!” Ryan interrupted Axel’s pontificating. “I saw him on an episode of _Where’s That Demon Now_ , dood. Sammy Shark was going on about how he was a forgettable loser and that everyone decided to deny his very existence, dood!”

“H-Hey!” Axel yelped, but decided to make the most of this situation and shouted, “You should know by now that the media is always full of lies and unwarranted scandals! You don’t have to remember a word that that silver-tongued sea dog said about me! I guarantee you that I am making a most glorious comeback!”

“So by saying ‘comeback’, you’re admitting that Sammy was right, dood,” Kippers muttered.

“Oh, come now. Every star has their ups and downs in life. Even someone as grand as I am not immune to such a fact of life.”

“Whatever you say, dood.”

“I’m hungwy…” the girl complained as her stomach rumbled.

“Okay, okay, kiddo. Let’s go back, dood. Well, buddy, go break a leg or whatever they say in the industry, dood.”

Axel had a spark of brilliance and he stopped the group. “Wait just a second! You guys look like you’re falling on hard times, what with chasing a cat down to retrieve a single sardine.”

“What do you mean by ‘hard times’? The River of Oblivion doesn’t even have an economy worth speaking of, dood,” Kippers glowered.

“Now, now, you don’t have to be ashamed. I totally understand what it’s like to be a rags to riches story.”

“I don’t think you do, but I also don’t think you really care, dood.”

“Hah! What an attitude these citizens have! But I won’t let that deter me! Just hear me out, friends! I’m sure you’ll be most interested in my proposition!”

Axel explained to them about the movie he wanted to film here, obviously wording it so that he came across as the super wealthy director rather than the poorly paid lead actor. He offered the group to be the ones behind the camera filming the scary scenes as they explored Lethe, and he promised a hefty sum of Hell in exchange for their services.

“A horror movie, huh, dood?” Ryan wondered. “I wonder how demons are supposed to take scary movies seriously when the Netherworld itself is already full of real horrors, dood.”

“Weally? It shounds wike fun,” the girl replied. “Not a wot of demonsh know about thish Nethahwowld. Maybe we’ll find shome unknown monshtah, or a gateway to a pawawell wowld.”

“You’ve been watching way too many of those silly cartoons, Pvt. Kiddo!” Kippers snapped. “You need a subliminal cleansing regimen pronto, dood!"

“But Commandah Kippahsh, if thish movie ish a shuccessh, then you can pay yoah debt back to the Angewu Weidy!”

“Well, you have a point, dood, but…”

She approached Axel with a big smile and exclaimed, “Then I’ll do it!”

“Atta girl!” he grinned and gave her the camera. “All you have to do is push this button, and it’ll take care of the rest! Make sure you’re not seen on camera either!”

“”Kay! When do you want me to bwing thish back to you?”

“Oh, don’t worry. I’ll be keeping my eye out for you guys. A director must always care about the safety of his actors and staff!”

With their arrangements set, the girl and her Prinny comrades returned to the Prinny Village to prepare for their latest mission. Once they were gone, Axel let out a sigh of relief and said to himself, “This will be perfect. They’ll do all the running around and getting scared, and I’ll get a free paycheck out of it. All I have to do is edit the footage so that I look like I’m the one filming instead of them! Man, why did I think of this sooner!? My star power doesn’t always have to rely on being seen by my fans! They just have to take the advertisements as the gospel truth, and they’ll be none the wiser!”

He smirked and added, “Hm hm hm hm… My genius sometimes frightens even myself!”

* * *

About an hour later, after a nice big meal of sardine stew, the small group of monster-hunting Prinnies and their nameless cohort ventured toward the Tree of False Dreams, a vicinity close to Lethe that was infested with a high population of Treants and Bears.

“Alright, doods, listen up!” Kippers commanded his troops. “Our target today is the nefarious Yggdrasil, a variant of the common Man-Eaters that is said to be worth a billion Hell, dood! My boys and I have made countless attempts bagging this guy, with no success, dood!”

“Why awe they wowth sho much?” the girl asked.

“Glad you asked, dood! It’s because an Yggdrasil takes a million years to evolve from a common tree, and their bark is most prized for satanic rituals and high-quality furniture wood, dood. You wouldn’t believe how much those greedy Nether Nobles will shell out to have a desk made out of Yggdrasil wood, dood!”

“Muu… I kinda feewu bad foh it. It wived foh a miwion yeahsh onwy to be tuwned into a wich guy’sh pieshe of fuhnituwe.”

“Don’t feel too bad, Private. Yggdrasils are also known for blending in with their environments and snagging their unsuspecting prey without warning, dood. If you’re not careful, you’ll be a permanent part of that Nether Noble’s desk, dood!”

“Wow! That shoundsh shkehwy!”

“Did you bring that guy’s camera with you, dood?” Ryan asked.

“Yup!” the girl exclaimed and started filming the team’s journey through the Tree of False Dreams. Unlike the lush greenery of the River of Oblivion, this neighboring area was devoid of plant life. There were many tree stumps, lots of grey grass, and streams of dirty water. The winds howled around them like a desperate cry. She caught their drab surroundings on camera and complained, “Thish pwace is pwetty bowing. When awe we gonna shee any monshtahs?”

“Don’t worry, dood,” Ryan said. “It may look barren, but this is actually a popular nesting ground for Treants. Heck, for all we know, we could already be surrounded, dood.”

“Weally? But theshe twees awe sho shtill. How couwd anything shtay shtill foh shuch a wong time?”

“Well, we drove out a bunch of them recently, so maybe these really are just ordinary trees, dood,” the Prinny said and knocked his fins against the trunk of the nearest tree.

“Private! Have you not learned anything from our reconnaissance, dood!?” Kippers barked angrily. “Don’t _ever_ knock on wood when you’re in the Tree of False Dreams, dood! You might regret it!”

“Sorry, Kippers! It won’t happen again, dood!”

The troops continued through the bleak and dying forest, their feet constantly crunching down dead leaves that were as grey as the sky. Their trek was uneventful for a while, so the girl took the time to swing the camera about and look at anything possibly interesting. If Axel hired her to take in the sights while finding anything dangerous, she would do everything possible to record all of Lethe’s geography. Eventually the team reached a clearing with a large pond surrounded by beaten trails. Several dangerous-looking fish swam about trying to escape some Cockatrices that were in the middle of a feeding frenzy.

“Whoa, dood!” Lowalski stopped them, and they hid behind a bush covered with decrepit leaves. “I had forgotten that it’s mating season for the Cockatrice enclave, dood! We’re gonna have to go around if we want to avoid needless combat, dood!”

“But awen’t Cockatwices wowth a wot of Hewu?” the demon girl asked while transfixed on recording the monstrous birds.

“Yes, they are, dood. But we only have enough resources to tackle the Yggdrasil. Getting into a fight with these guys right now will force us to abort the current mission, dood.”

“Muu… Then what awe we shupposhed to do?”

“There’s an alternate route we can use, dood. It’s a bit longer, but it’s way safer than this, dood.”

“’Kay… Muu? What’sh that?”

“What’s what, dood?” Ryan asked.

She raised her arm in a pointing gesture, aiming her camera and zooming in on what appeared to be two figures emerging from the opposite side of the pond. One was a young man with messy red hair and black eyes who wore a sleeveless white shirt, black pants, and elbow-length black gloves. The most notable feature about him was his hilariously long red necktie. His partner was an elegant woman with blonde hair and red eyes with white pupils. Her attire hardly matched the surroundings, as she wore a large black and red ruffled dress with yellow ribbons and bows adorning it, and the corset showed off a great deal of her large cleavage.

“Muu!? They’we appwoaching the Cockatwices!” the girl reported.

“Give me that, Private!” Kippers barked and swiped the camera from her to observe the unknown pair. “Whoa, dood! That buff dude’s picking a fight with them, dood!”

“Weally!? But it’s dangewous!”

“Wait, wait… Holy smokes, dood!”

They poked their heads through the foliage to see what was going on. The red-haired man leapt high into the air and performed a flaming dive kick against one of the angry birds, incinerating it with little effort. The elegant woman generated several blue orbs and jumped onto them like platforms, then fired several shots from her pistol that ricocheted off the orbs and pierced through an incoming horde of birds. The beasts were now completely focused on fending off the pair after they had rudely interrupted their meal, which gave the Prinny group a chance to emerge from their hiding place without worry.

“Perfect, dood! Now’s our chance to run through them!” Kippers exclaimed.

“Muu!? We’ah not gonna help them!?” the girl objected.

“They’re the ones who challenged those dumb birds, not us, dood!”

“But-!”

“No complaints, dood! Move, move, move!”

They hurried as fast as they could around the pond, taking care to hide behind any trees or bushes that they could find. Pvt. Ryan fell behind the group though, and he tripped on a pebble.

“Wyan!” the child skidded to a halt and ran back to help him up. Unfortunately, this caught the attention of several Cockatrices that hadn’t been killed yet, and they swooped in over them.

“Private! Kiddo!” Kippers called out in shock and reached out his fins.

“&$*^#&*@#^%&*%$@*&!( 4000004!!” Reeko added.

Before the pair could be shredded into meat ribbons, the blonde-haired gunner rushed in while wielding a machine gun and yelled, **“Rose Thorns!”**

She fired a volley of high velocity bullets at the birds, slaying them without remorse. She failed to notice one flying in from behind her though, so the girl raised her arms and shouted, **“Puah White Showah!”**

She used her signature attack, where she summoned an array of beautiful angel feathers that turned into thin needles and pierced through the Cockatrice. The woman wiped her brow and complained, “Honestly, that Adell can be such a battle maniac. Why’d he have to go and bully these poor birds when they’re just hungry? And when there are kids and Prinnies running about, too!”

“Um… Awe you okay, ma’am?” the girl asked.

“Very much so, thanks to your assistance, little one. I would go help my partner, but it seems like he has everything under control.”

“Really?” Lowalski wondered. “He looks kind of surrounded, if you ask me, dood.”

“Oh, he’s just giving them a handicap. No big deal.”

“If you say so, lady.”

“Such insolence! My name is not ‘lady’! I am Rozalin, and that battle maniac over there is Adell. You had better memorize those names well if you wish not to be caught between a rock and the heel of my shoes. So, little one, what’s your name?” the woman asked her young savior with a sweet smile.

“No point in asking, dood,” Kippers said. “She doesn’t remember anything about herself, dood.”

“Amnesia, hm? Guess it can’t be helped. I’ll call you Toots for now. It’s what Adell called me when we first met.”

“’Kay,” the girl replied. “Sho is Adewu gonna be fine?”

“Just you watch,” Rozalin said with a devious grin.

They watched as Adell furiously punched and kicked his way through the swarm of Cockatrices, killing them one after the other. For good measure, he yelled out, **“Combo Explosion Shot!”** and hurled countless wind sickles with just his fists, then finished with a powerful punch to one bird’s midsection, bifurcating it with incredible ease. The birds realized that they were vastly overpowered and decided to flee.

“Whew! That was a good warm-up!” Adell grinned, satisfied with how the battle resulted. He approached Rozalin and the Prinny group, and he raised an eyebrow. “Hey, who are they?”

“Just a lost child and some Prinnies passing by,” Rozalin told him. “She helped me fend off some of those monstrosities.”

“Hewwo!” the child waved at him.

“Well, well, well,” Adell chimed. “What have we here? An Overlord and her misfit gang of merry Prinnies?”

“No, actually it’s the opposite, dood,” Kippers was eager to correct her. “I’m the commander of this squadron, which includes the lisping private, dood.”

“Surely you jest. An Overlord obeying a Prinny?” Rozalin muttered.

“I’m not an Ovahwohd,” the girl told her. “I’m jusht a demon who wanded in Wethe and became pawt of Kippersh’ awmy. Nothing wong with that, ‘kay?”

“Oh… You don’t say.”

“She might say that,” Adell murmured beneath his breath, “but I sense a great deal of power dwelling within her. Don’t you agree?”

“Indeed,” the noble woman nodded. “Even among common Overlords, her power is certainly no joke. What shall we do?”

“Hmm… Well, normally I would want to fight her, but-“

“Don’t you dare! I know you’re a battle maniac and all that, but you are not crass enough to pick a fight with such an innocent child in my presence!”

“Hold on! I said ‘normally I would’, right!? But we have important business here! We should just convince them to leave it to us and go home!”

“Oh… But of course! The Yggdrasil is supposed to be my prize, after all! You just wanted to come along to test your abilities against it!”

“Somehow, I don’t think that’s how we ended up here…”

“Wait just a second, dood!” Ryan objected. “You’re after the Yggdrasil too, dood!? But we need its bounty in order to reincarnate, dood!”

“I should have guessed that’s why a bunch of Prinnies are loitering in such a dump,” Rozalin scoffed in disgust. “Sorry, but this is beyond your scope of power, kids. Just leave it to us professionals and run on home now, okay?”

“Wait a second,” Adell narrowed his eyes as he stared at the befuddled girl. “If what they’re saying about her is true, then they must have brought her along as their secret weapon for this battle.”

“Eeep!” all of the Prinnies sweated in unison.

“What nerve!” Rozalin barked angrily and aimed her pistol at them. “I should have you punished for such insubordination!”

“Insubordination, dood!? But we’re not even your vassals, dood!” Lowalski argued.

“ ** _HEE~EEYY!!_** ” the child yelled at the top of her lungs. “No fighting, ‘kay!? If Adewu and Wozawin awe aftah Yggy too, then wet’sh spwit the money evenwy! A biwion Hewu is pwenty foh evewyone! You guysh can pay the Angewu Weidy off even without awl of it!”

“Y-You _do_ have a point, dood…” Ryan stammered, frightened of making her upset lest he be shish-kebabed with light daggers like the Slumber Kitty and Cockatrice were earlier.

“Heh heh,” Adell chuckled. “For a demon, you’re pretty generous. But I don’t need any of the money, so I’ll give my portion to Rozalin. I know how important money and materialism are to her.”

“Adell…” his partner swooned.

“All I care about is testing my limits against such a legendary monster. It’s just my style.”

“I should have figured as much.”


End file.
